It is amazing that even when people tell you that you could have died by your actions, you don’t feel anything. All you feel is sad that you didn’t.

5 months ago  /  0 notes

Scared

I’m scared. I’m scared that I will kill myself someday. That I will never have a normal future. I am scared I will not have a career, a husband, a family or a place of my own. I have an image of me buying a gun or something. I’m scared I will never find happiness or a reason to walk on this earth. What is going to happen to me? No one can answer that. I am so alone I want to cry everyday. My head, my mind is my own worst enemy. People would and will never understand what goes through my mind. They wouldn’t be able to handle it. Learning to live this life is the hardest thing I have and probably will ever have to do.

6 months ago  /  4 notes

Why is living so hard?

Have you ever felt so anxious and depressed you just want to hide, cry, bleed, even throw up and the same time? Like something came inside your body, your mind and covered you in darkness and emptiness. The anxiety makes you want to rip your chest out. It makes you want to bleed, thinking that all the feelings will drip out of you like the blood is does when you put a razor against your skin. You feel so alone and helpless you want to cry forever and drown in your tears. You want to scream. Scream at the people who hurt you, that left you. Scream at them and tell them what they did to you even if they know it or not. How they broke you, they left you in pain or how they are damaging you at this very moment. Scream not just because you are in pain, but because how they never noticed or knew how difficult it is to live your life. You know it’s not their fault that they do know your life, but you can’t help it. You can’t help taking it out on them. You just want to cry and wish you were never born because you feel so alone, so depressed, so anxious, so… so fucking horrible. You need people in your life. Everyone needs people in their life. It’s just so fucking hard to have people, have friends, family. Being alone seems easy and being with people is hard.

Why does life have to be so painful and cruel? Suicide is always an option. I wish surviving was not part of living. Although granted wishes are not part of living either.

6 months ago  /  3 notes

I wish you knew how painful and hard my life is. Yet those words doesn’t even describe how challenging it is to live my life.

7 months ago  /  5 notes

My parents annoy me so much I want to scream and cry. Sometimes I wish they didn’t care so much even though I need them to.

7 months ago  /  0 notes